Unmasking the Culinary Culprits: The Truth About Seed Oils and Your Health

Picture this: you're in your kitchen or, even better, out in the open air, standing over a smoking, fiery grill with those coals glowing red, hot as fuck. If you're a dad, you might be sporting an absurdly cheesy apron over your trusty cargo shorts, proudly displaying some dad-joke slogan. But if you're not a dad, you're probably thinking about burning that apron in that hot fucking grill – and maybe those shorts too. You've got a sexy, thick, marbled, bone-in ribeye steak at room temperature, perfectly salted, ready to meet the sizzling embrace of a cast iron or an open flame. But before the magic happens, you've got to prep your grill to avoid that steak sticking like super glue. Whatever you use for omega 3 heavy meat lube (sounds gross, huh?) – be it butter, lard, tallow, or suet (olive oil in a pinch)– just promise not to use those industrial machine lubricants full of omega 6 fatty acids (the extremely high ratio of omega 6 fats to omega 3s is shit and causes inflammation in the body whilst lower ratios do not) that are masquerading as food.

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Seed Oils Are Making You Sick

Let's talk about the real villain here: fucking seed oils (some call them "vegetable oils" to make them sound healthy). Sunflower oil, canola oil, safflower oil, grape seed oil, corn oil, rapeseed oil (seriously, that name alone is highly problematic, especially with the “me too” movement in full effect), and a seemingly never-ending list of other oils touted as "heart-healthy" by politically-driven, pharmaceutical industry and big food-funded organizations. These oils were initially meant for machines, folks. Then, someone had the brilliant idea that they could slap a "food" label on them and make a quick buck. Don't believe us? Google "machine lubricant" and click on "images." The first option you'll see to narrow your search is "food grade." Hmm... These oils are pure poison, making you fat, miserable, and, dare I say it, ugly. No exaggeration here.

These rancid oils, extracted from burnt seeds are bleached, infused with perfumes made on the Jersey turnpike, and have absolutely no redeeming qualities unless you happen to own stocks in Big Food or Big Pharma. In that case, you might be gunning for billionaire status.

Seed Oils and Obesity

How do they make you fat, you ask? Well, they're loaded with phytoestrogens and linoleic acids, the perfect recipe for creating hormone imbalances that even the most intense workouts can't fix. Say goodbye to those chiseled abs and hello to the beer gut which, according to my orthopedic surgeon friend, is the primary causes of back pain... so pile on the issues when your diet is a treasure trove of industrial lube.

Seed Oils and Mental Health

And what about mental health? Those pesky phytoestrogens in your processed foods aren't just wrecking your physique; they're also throwing your brain chemistry into disarray. Imagine feeling like a perpetually anxious, emotional wreck, akin to a teenager going through puberty and dealing with their first breakup at the same time. You might even end up shedding a tear when your favorite contestant loses on American Idol, just like our friend Frank, the the former natural bodybuilder. The only fat in Frank's diet during an extreme cut for a show was the seed-oil cooking spray and the canola oil he sprayed on his salads. Frank was a mess – acne-ridden and emotionally unstable, thanks to seed oils. I’m not making this shit up. He was suffering from extreme hormone withdrawal symptoms. He later became a big deal of a Muy Thai coach, so all's well that ends well, but fuck that's a terrible way to learn a lesson.

Seed Oils and Skincare

Now, how about looking in the mirror? If you're wondering why your skin is less than perfect, blame it on the linoleic acid in these seed oils. Your skin isn't just an outer layer; it's a massive endocrine organ responsible for protecting you from all sorts of environmental hazards. Linoleic acid can lead to eczema, psoriasis, acne, and even, shockingly, an increased risk of skin cancer, especially when combined with other products like lotions, sunscreens, and perfumes, many of which contain linoleic acid. To top it off, skin damaged by linoleic acid is more susceptible to sun damage. It's a vicious cycle indeed.

Seed Oils and Lung Cancer

But we're not done yet. It's not just about eating these oils; it's about breathing them in. Standing over a pot, pan, or fryer with these oils burning is like a one-way ticket to lung trouble. Inhaling those rancid, linoleic acid-heavy, phytoestrogen-laden particles is so dangerous that some studies suggest that 15 minutes of exposure is equivalent to smoking a whole lot of cigarettes in a day. You'd succumb to smoke inhalation before reaching the carcinogenic levels associated with these cooking oils originally meant for machines.

Seed Oils and Hormone Balance

Now, let's talk about the elephant in the room: how these oils are making you less of a man. The answer is simple: phytoestrogens. Need we say more?

Bottom line:

The fact that authorities haven't called for a halt to cooking with these rancid machine oils (or other processed foods) is nothing short of criminal. But here's the silver lining: you can't unlearn what you've just discovered, and knowledge is power. So, go ahead, embrace those open flames, sear that steak to perfection with omega 3 rich fats, and keep those toxic seed oils as far away from your kitchen as possible. And remember, only use olive oil (as long as it's cold-pressed, organic, extra virgin olive oil) in an emergency. It's the least offensive of non-animal cooking oils. Your body and mind will thank you.

Plus... vegetable oils taste like shit. Butter is fucking delicious.